Mime-Version: 1.0
Date: Sat, 2 Dec 1995 22:51:42 +0100
To: eblawler@lawler.com
From: mikeh@iglou.com (Mike Hewitt)
Subject: Thoughts for the week

Editor's Note: Mike is always sending me hilarious stuff. Here is just a smaple (edited for space).

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: "Of all the radio stations in Chicago...we're one of them."

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. -- Dave Barry

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. -- William James

When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. -- Emo Phillips

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. -- F. P. Jones

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. -- George Carlin

Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. -- Ashleigh Brilliant

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. -- Johnny Carson

The most important thing in the programming language is the name. A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable language. -- D. E. Knuth, 1967

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?

Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it starts avoiding you -- Old Farmer's Almanac

The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad. -- Salvador Dali