Edited from Joseph's (PhotoTec@aol.com) "cousin back east who keeps sending me these odd little snippets... and this one just about made me pee my pants, so I thought I'd share the warmth with the rest of you"



There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Every morning is the dawn of a new error...

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.

Don't be so open-minded, your brains might fall out.

Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.

If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

Tech Support: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

Dain bramaged.

Department of Redundancy Department

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key

 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

 Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

 My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL

C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN

Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression

The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

.. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

 Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

Windows: Just another pane in the glass.

SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .

Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?

Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.

RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.

All computers wait at the same speed.

DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.

 Press [CTRL]-[ALT]-[DEL] to continue ...

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.

Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!

Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981

 DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS

 Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.

 REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)

Hit any user to continue.

2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!

I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!

Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.

 Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

 Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.

 Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!