Coming off the first tee box, I looked at my daughter's face. Her eyes were filled with tears. The last in our group to tee off, she had just attempted, for the second time, to drive the ball - only to see it dribble off the tee. I wanted to give her a big hug and tell her to shake it off. But, as she saw me, I caught that pre-teen look that so many parents know only too well. "Don't look at me, don't say anything to me, you'll only embarrass me further!"

We were playing with two other women in an EWGA (Executive Women Golf Association) mentoring program called "Nine and Wine." The program is designed especially for newer golfers to help them feel comfortable on the golf course, giving them the opportunity to play and practice newly learned skills. Without pressure from groups behind, the players can ask questions and learn about etiquette, rules, etc. with others who are in the same boat. Perfect venue for Amy to feel comfortable - or so I thought!

 Debbie Waitkus
This was Amy's first golf outing after a six-month hiatus. Her expectations, nonetheless, had her hitting a 150-yard drive right down the middle of the fairway. I think the other ladies were secretly hoping for the exact same thing! After mis-hitting her second shot, Amy picked up her ball and announced that she was not going to play anymore. Wonderful. We hadn't event made it to the fairway on the first hole! I told her that was fine, or if she wanted, she was welcome to drop her ball by mine and finish the hole from there. "No, I'm done!" She'd gotten to the "Wine" part of the Nine and Wine very quickly. Except she'd modified it to "Nine and Whine!"

Next one to hit was Diane. Diane has worked in the golf industry for years, but is a new golfer. Being around the game so much, she wants to participate badly. And, of course, she wants her game to be perfect so that she can take it out in public. Isn't it amazing all the pressure we all put on ourselves! Diane has some creative ways to stay comfortable and make the game fun. She tees up her ball in the fairway. As we discovered, she also tees her ball up in the sand bunkers. I think the only place she doesn't tee up the ball is on the green!

Amy's eyes widened as she watched Diane tee up the ball in the fairway. "Mom, I really like Diane!" It certainly made her feel better about her own game. When we reached my ball, I smiled as Amy jumped out and dropped her ball right next to mine and proceeded to play the rest of the hole.

On that first hole, Amy was clearly nervous prior to teeing off. She waited to be the last hitter, thinking that everyone would be going back to their golf carts and not paying attention to her. "If no one else watches," she told me later, "then I can relax better." Now there's an original thought! It's funny. All that talk about not talking while someone else is hitting. I play with some folks who actually prefer that we continue talking so that they feel as if we're not watching.

On the next hole I invited Amy to jump up and be the first person to hit. When I'm on the tee box waiting for my turn to hit, I am not fully tuned-in to watching the other players. Yes, I watch them hit and perhaps even watch the path of the ball. But, I'm often thinking about where I want to hit my shot, my club selection, and, yes, praying to the golf gods that I make it off the tee and land safely in the fairway. I know that I pay much closer attention to my playing partners' tee shots once I've already teed off. The perfect student, Amy jumped up and hit her ball right in the middle of the fairway. Yep, the pressure was dissipating.

I have a friend who works in the real estate industry and is not a golfer. One of her clients invited her to play in an industry tournament fully aware that she didn't play golf. Chris called me for help, terrified that the tournament was only two days away! What made matters even worse, was that they were going to be playing with one of her co-workers, Joe, who was an avid golfer. "All Joe talks about is golf, golf, golf." I could just see her walls growing higher. As total panic was setting in, I reminded Chris that her client was well aware that she didn't play golf. So, clearly, he hadn't invited her to play because of her golf prowess, but rather her personality and the business connectivity. So, we walked through how to be physically and mentally prepared. And Chris promised that she would play.

Then I waited with anticipation to find out about her outing. She called the day after the tournament with laughter in her voice. "It was so much fun, I'm never going to miss another one of these! It was great! And Joe, he's a terrible golfer! He kept hitting it into the desert!" I asked her why she thought that just because someone loves the game and talks about the game all the time means that he is great at it.

For someone like my daughter who strives for A's and being on the winning team, golf provides the life lesson of humility. We're always so worried that our game is not good enough. We may be accomplished athletes in other sports or accomplished in our field of business. But out on the golf course, it's a different arena. Sometimes, as in Amy's case, it takes seeing someone older, more mature or someone that we respect play a less than stellar shot to give ourselves permission to reposition the bar of perfection that we've set for ourselves.

Even with that one "Tiger-esque" or "Annika-esque" shot in an outing that keeps us coming back, we need to remember and accept the fact that, for most of us, we don't get paid to play. Give in to the serenity of the beautiful landscape on the golf course. Keep the pressure off. Enjoy the game, enjoy the experience, and enjoy yourself!

Debbie Waitkus is a business golf consultant and speaker. She works with organizations and individuals, especially women, to demystify the game and "turn golf into gold."™ Debbie can be reached at 602/840-0607 or dwaitkus@golfforcause.com or click the Golf for Cause logo.

from Ladies Golf Journey - Jul/Aug 2003